Out of Control


I am just a simple man. But i have a complicated past. And i just want a simple life. With my present girlfriend who thinks i should become a priest. She told me that after she made love with me. Its not funny. Why?Because there are no priests who thinks that the catholic church is ridden with demons inside their congregation. Its what my mother informed me about catholicism. But we are christians and we prefer not to be catholics. That night outside hotel was the only time that i was able to think of my own self and not everyone elses. Rebels become beggars. Thats what one of my cousin told me in one visit. I met him for the first time. His talk was short  and its the first time i met him. He then left me to get to his parents. He never talked to me more that night except that he told me never to forget what he just said. I was just in high school during that time. My mother always talks about things that i know to be having something more to everything about it. My mother asked me about my girlfriend. My views on her matched to her expectation and she wanted to see her prove more of herself. She said we dont just marry a wife because of their faces but because of what and how they bring themselves up on the things they should qualify on the family’s criteria. And besides, she told me that i will have to leave for a very long time. Hopefully shes still there when i get back. That worried me a lot but she doesnt want to give out more details, my mom. She gets easily upset if i ask more questions. I just thought maybe my sister doesnt have to deal with much complication in her life later on. Shes almost past  her elementary but is still fond of toys. Then in just a matter of days, i dont know which person that i am now. I speak a different language. And i seem to be just where i am but feeling a bit out of place. I am not in England anymore. Im in 3rd world country. Im riding a passenger jeep on the way to the mall. There were people there that looked odd. Most of my acquaintances kept popping up in my head continously. I dont know why but i thought i already know them all.Riding up the escalator, i dont know why im there but i just thought i should be there and just as when i heared the booming sound of the boom box at the amusement center i felt like i was in a trance again remembering someone yelling out not to let go. Were climbing up the mountain and there were explosion. I have a cut in my right eye already and my black attire is dirtied with mud. From my estimate we are over a hundred feet from the ground in our climb. There are trucks down below and men firing at us. The bigger guy was shooting down with his right hand using an automatic rifle while his left hangs on to the rope. Then he yells at me “Hes not gonna make it!”. A guy is hanging on to my right hand while my left is barely grasping hold on the rope too. He got caught by the explosion and let go and i caught him. My machine gun is still strapped behind me. His weight is going to take me down. He looked as if hes starting to loose consciousness too with his eyes. He cant swing himself back. And i cant hold on more to the rope too. The rope is gonna get off from being fastened if he continues to add on to my weight. He uttered the words “This is not your fault…”. Then he lets go of my right hand falling down shooting at everyone below to his death. “Hurry up to the top!”, the bigger guy yells at me. I can see two more above us. From below a rocket prepelled grenade comes rushing pass at us. The chopper thats gonna take us out is on top of the mountain and were actually not supposed to take that route but information relay at us via satellite is that there are already men on the location that we are going to take. So we made the climb. Life is simple. But living in 3rd world is much more simplier. Get a degree and later on work in a high paying job. Thats what everyone goals for during their high school years. And i am now living with an aunt whom i dont always get along with for always breaking in on my room looking for money. Its just strange because i just dont always feel like i belong here but i know this place a long time ago. Sometimes its like im living a dream. And this dream is without my 5th grade elementary sister whose still fond of toys for 5 year old and i get to fix them when it gets broken. This is my life. I am sure of that everytime i get out of the house where people would go to if they want to buy pots. This house used to be just made of wood and bigger, up and down. Now its concrete without the trees and everything else especially the tall tree in which  i would sometimes climb up and fell once on my knees to the ground. I am sure this is where i live, i can still recall that my neighbor’s husband died out of being electrocuted at the sugarcane fields. I was even there when his dead body was laid infront of her beside the road. I was just 4 at that time and i saw a dead man’s body. She cried out real hard and its just weird that she blamed me for it with her words. No one was there when they took her husbands body but the people who took him. It was afternoon and i was playing outside.

At night, it confuses me at times. I would wake up and sometimes get awaken by this streak of light that would fade away when i turn to discover it.I dont know what’s happening at times with how i see things. But there were people that i met at the mall. Im always at the mall. Being at school bores me. I even believed that im more older than my age and i have done most of the things that im doing now especially school. And its just also weird as to why i always think of being at the mall everytime i wake up. Most of my thinking dwell on staying at the mall, i dont know maybe its because theres no more good ambiance back home with my aunt who cant borrow money from me because she keeps breaking my door knob and from what i can recall i have bought more or less 10 door knobs already. She just spends the money in playing mahjong.I got sick once and  theres no one else to buy me medicine but me. That bad feeling would just get to me in not more than 48 hours then its off. Then i had this dream of being on my knees with a terrible pain in my chest. I was hit by a punch and trying hard to get back from my normal breathing and its taking me a long time. I spewed out blood. It was not from a multiple hit but only from one single blow. The place is cold and we are inside a cold place and it looked like an old church with no chairs on it. And from a distance i can see someone sitting with a smile. From his side are two men wearing a red outfit that i can not devulge here. The man that hit me wears the same outfit but without the decorations that the other two guys beside the man that i mentioned. He looks real worried and wanted to help me get  up but the other taller guy who wears the same outfit with the guards signalled him to stay where he is. I still cant get off the pain, everytime i breathe it hurts like hell. Then the man that restrained the other that hit me to the ground spoke near my face “The ice outside is cold enough not to make your body rot for several years. Even when the time that the enemies of this temple comes to challenge us and claim this earth your body will still be intact. So if you die at this very moment, we will make sure that your body is burned to ashes… The secrecy of this place will be maintained.”. As soon as he said that i looked up to the temple master first staring at me. Then to the man that had just spoken to me, he was smiling hideously. He is also our mentor. I looked down and tried to get up. He then told me “Its also one hard work to burn you all day”. And so we fought again and this time the tables were turned. There was a mistake there that i was able to realize. My breathing confused me of what i was supposed to feel with my fist and it did not do the trick. Now i know my mistake. Its also the most common mistake that someone like us would often times make. The Temple of Light is different from inside and out. How is that, your eyes are different from the reality that it gives you. The old people says that we should not be confused from what is an illusion and what is make believe. He then turned the bird in his hand into a white mouse.
It is also from the Mall that my life took a different turn again. The big man that was above me while climbing the mountain was there and surprised me “Mark! cmon lets go.”. I dont know why but i just followed him and time doesnt seem to go the way it should again. I can recall my sister once inside my room while fixing her toy. She was asking me if im going to get married sooner. Shes excited to have a little girl to play with. In my mind, i have several levels of situation. I cant explain that. Way back before being in the mountains in a remote and secret small community of monks devoted to one singularity of purity, all i can always think of is how come no one has ever discovered them. There is a ship. Not a plane or a helicopter but a ship similar to the one that you can see on futuristic movies. I can recall our mentor getting off from the ship and complains “Its not always a nice ride with one of those, makes me dizzy with the turning around…”. Hes got a sense of humor, but that is also something that he always brings us to one difficult situation. He explains that the other races are arguing on a lot of things about earth. But for whatever situation in the end, the only thing that people like us should be assured of is about ourselves. We should never loose what we have now whatever happens.Back at the facility, while on sleep on earth world. My daughter confronts me of his brother and the others like him from other parallel worlds. She speaks in a different language that she got accustomed to from the planet that she now resides with her other sisters. And that is Utopia. Shes complaining as to why they took the little ones to another realm wherein theres nothing there but flying butterflies and bubbles coming out of the air, colors and cup cakes. Shes talking about her brother and sister from one parallel world, i get what she means. They need to train. The other Gods are also expecting greatly from them, theyre both one great matter of debate to the Union. One thing im confused is as to why shes wearing a shirt designed from this world wherein only little kids can get in. I was looking for her mother too. Then i woke up. Time as it is does not always seem to be how it is for everyone. A healthy mind comes from a healthy body. Check on your nerves. Consult a doctor. The entire organs and functioning of every crucial part of your body chemistry depends on your heart. You can lift weights for hours but how much longer can you run. There is no one who has psychological problems or with a problem in his mind who can run well enough. The mind is what controls your body. Depression kills. So at times, try to take a chocolate or spicy foods. That’s what i often times joke to people i know but that is a scientific fact. Want to be happy? Buy Hersheys.Then here i am again, suiting up our black attire. Theres only four of us. Its always dark. Most of everything in the place doesnt have a light, so if you have a  problem with your hearing, youll surely bump into someone. Even i dont know where it is. After gearing up we sit down on a platform in which would take alot of turns. The next thing you know, youre already dropped off from an aircraft that only has faint sound of its engine. Splashing down the water we know which way to turn. We should be there exactly on the right time. Its the only chance to take out the hostates. There are 4 of them. Most are females. The entire facility that they are held up have different operating schedules each day. Tommorow the back door is opened at 9 to 12pm. The next day, it will only be opened at 2pm. Something like that. Then the ventilation shaft is rigged with explosives too plus that motion sensors. We can shut down the sensors but only without the chief of security on the right spot and that is the time wherein he should meet one of his superiors and be back after 3 hours. That’s the only way in to the place. There is none. And theres also no other way to get inside the base but on the powerlines from the hill on the left. And we have to take down the guard on the tower, that we can not avoid not unless you want to trigger the alarm and the dogs on the fences. Its not supposed to take more than just several minutes to take them all out by getting into one of the vehicles and ramming the gate out. The powerlines were once huge risk too, we could have gotten electrocuted. We managed to get inside and as expected everything is gonna get fired up in not so very long from the tower wherein the guard got shot down. So we needed to move quickly. And as expected, the alarm sounded off. The corners and the design of the facility is to give out the intruders position without anywhere else to cover himself. Everything went real hot but we know were on the right track. Outside the door to where the prisoners are being held up, we were supposed to blow down the door. But soldiers already got to the prisoners first. Theyre just kids. They threatened us to put down our weapons and surrender or else they are all going to get shot. From on the other side of the door we can hear the hostages crying. Explosive charges were already planted on the door. We were signalling each other on what to do. Then boom, the door went down and there were just two people inside with the hostages. All of them fell down dead and everyone is intact. We got out, no one got killed together with the hostages.Then im back at the house again. But then its just a dream. I just got awakened at the carrier. No one needs to see us there. From the briefing I was made aware of Project Morpheus. They say its where i was in few months ago. And its crucial to alot of people’s endevors for their countries. For whatever cost we will maintain what the others have started. We need to be there, directly someday. I need to go back but not yet. I can still recall my superiors saying that our nation does not really put great sympathy on the man that have died on the cross but his legacy and his principles are more livable and sane than that of the satanists. Killing your own flesh and blood for luck and making your own family suffer to get prosperity is not going to be our nation’s belief. We will all see to that. Our superior said he doesnt give much debate if Jesus Christ is true but his way is more livable in having one fresh air in the morning than with satanists having the stink of stinking rats rotting right next to your plate.
 I slept at the chopper on our way out of the carrier. That’s whats in my dream then i was awakened in my condo. Im back in Manila. It was just 630pm and i got a phone a call from one of my friends-“Mark, nakuha mo ba yung naiwan sa desk kagabi?” Thinking deeply… -“Teka…” Theres a folder right next to the keys of your car. You should see the lawyer first thing today. -“A yeah, i have it here. Its for me right?” -“No, that was for Angela. Pwede ba pakidala mamaya? Please? Hindi pa kasi tapos yan e.” Youre not supposed to give it back to him. He made a mistake leaving it unattended last night. I dont usually go out in the morning on a fast food chain or on a restaurant to eat. I cook my own breakfast. I called up the company lawyer which is also a British national and gave him details about the folder. I faxed every single page. After an hour while working out on the bar he called me back. “…we have got to see each other about this!”After 30minutes, someone called me over the phone too. Its my girlfriend who keeps convincing me to stay out of Manila and get to Hongkong. We were on a restaurant last night and met some people. The long ride back to my condo got me. After talking to her i got confused of myself in the mirror. My hair is black, isnt this supposed to be yellow? My nose and the hairs on my arms. But its who i am. The mirror looked real funny and not that handsome. Anyway, the lawyer got my full attention that day. I wanted to know something first. I went straight to the office first the man that called me up for the folder was in hurry to take it from me. He kept insisting for me to give it back. He sounded real worried. From his talk and reaction i knew from there that something is up. I informed him that i contacted my lawyer about this and we will see each other after our talk. He got real upset, i got what i wanted from him. Now im sure the lawyer is going to have some work ahead about this. There are discrepancies on the reports.In a restaurant the lawyer and i discussed everything. He mentioned that some people are gonna get themselves one hard time in jail for it. Im also in to trouble when i was in Manila. But not that kind of trouble. One woman and his adolescent son talked to me in secret. She said that its not going to be a good idea if i get to Hongkong and i should put emphasis into knowing more about the woman that im now with.  “…magugulat ka na lang na nasa ibang katauhan ka na pagpumunta ka ng Hongkong!”. I dont know but no one warned me back home about Hongkong. No one. But shes right about my girlfriend. I know a woman. A woman who trully loves a man without deceit is one who always doesnt have the confidence to touch you with her hands but with her words and actions. A woman who trully loves a man, shows it with less touching. My girlfriend is fond of crossing her arms on mine making a gesture that we are always one. Shes fond of doing that in public. She likes to touch my face too when she explains. And my hands are always with hers. A person who has a secret agenda with you will always win your trust using your body temperature. I dont like it when everything she does when were around. She reminds me of this escort who was with my uncle back home and then later on that night she went off with my cousin. “…its all about sharing in this family!”. Then my uncle blinks his eyes when my cousin passed by with his dad’s escort. He was laughing after making that joke. Hes a strict man. He lost his wife a long time ago and finds no solution to finding a new one. I think. The last thing i know, the man that was really upset and infuriated about me not giving him the folder he was asking for got jailed after a few weeks and cried real hard at the court house. He also begged for a second chance. Sometimes when im driving, the thought of my sister comes into my mind. I would always wonder how is she doing now? For me its been almost 6 years since i last saw her. I planned to call her up when i get back home but something just always comes up afterwards.It was night time. My girlfriend wants to know where i am. I told her that im in this place and its going to take me 5 hours to get back home later on. She doesnt know im just 15 minutes away from her place and ive got a black outfit and a mask. Her house got no dog around. And from our talks, shes really just in her home. She doesnt live in an executive village. Theres just this remote place near the city wherein most well off people have gathered together to live in. No need for guards on entrance gates because the houses are very much well equipped with security devices, but hers lack the most. So i figured im going to play tonight. Of course i brought a knife with me. I was thinking, me slitting her throat is one ugly scene. Dont know what kind of reason there is to do something like that to her. Shes sweet and i just want to know some thing. This is just play. I might even surprise her in her bedroom. Thats whats going on in my mind. Then well play in her bedroom, i might surprise her!I parked the car just near the back of their fence. Its also not a tinted car. I used the same car. It’s almost 9pm. I climb on their fence on the left side, its more safer there since the fences of the other houses are more higher on that place. After jumping on the other side, i counted to five and  ran to the tree. I tried to listen first. I can hear some people talking, a guy was laughing. Theres just two people on my estimate. Tried to see if there are others. After 15 minutes of making sure of the surroundings i ran to the wall of their house. The glass wall and the door at the other end shows no one. I made my way on the are where all the talking is. And this is what ive heared -“Ewan ko sa pangit na yun! Hindi daw sya makakauwi kaagad…” -” Bat hindi na lang ikaw ang gumasta papuntang Hongkong kasi?” -“Ano? sya dapat ang gumasta papunta dun. Ewan ko ba, bat hindi na lang nila puntahan dito at ihypnotise. Di ko rin makaya e.” – “Hindi nga dapat dito, doon talaga” -“Patayin na lang kaya nila yun kung talagang malaking problem sya?” -“Tawagan mo kaya ngayon kung saan na sya at baka umabot lang bago mag 10pm, tapos puntahan mo at paligayahin mo kaagad sa kama! hahahaha! Ng sa ganun mahypnotise mo na kaagad.” -“Hahahaha! pagnabuntis ako ano kaya anak namin? Baka sa kanya magmana! Hahahaha! Bukas na lang, Baka malapit hatinggabi makauwi yun. Kakain pa sa labas yun e bago magdrive. Tang ina ang pangit ng magiging asawa ko if ever! hahahaha!” And from that talk, thats where my play changed. I realized im the one thats being actually played at. But i was also right on my feelings on her everytime were together. Shes out for something else. Something sinister. Walking real disappointed realizing the truth on my suspicion it was not a happy feeling. I dont think playing in her room surprising her there is going to be a good idea knowing that i have a knife in my right leg. I just walked on the way to where i jumped off from outside like im in the park having a hot head on the words that made me realize what she is. The next day she called me up but me and our lawyer is also busy about the lawsuit that we made pertaining to that notorious folder that contains discrepancies of various proportions. Its just one hell of a bad luck that of all people it had to be me who has to pick it up and take it home on my car. Several days after that, my mentor in the temple talked to me in my dreams. He reminded me of the days that will come for someone like us. And his words that everyone at the temple that needs to adhere to. They accepted me for a reason. No one gets trained just like that at the temple for no reason at all. He talked about celibacy.

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